


Of Babies Breath and Emotional Unrest

by orphan_account



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Cute, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy, M/M, hes just in a dress, nagito is a bro, nagito isn't trans, not much angst, pretending to be a girl, they are both hella gay, victorian au ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22295926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Hajime meets the girl he is arranged to marry.Nagito meets the boy he is not supposed to marry, but he's already in a dress and has come this far. Might as well get hitched with the cute boy.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 21
Kudos: 175





	1. Just Mocana?

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted an excuse to write Nagito in a dress.

His collar was choking him. No matter how many times he adjusted it, it always seemed too snug. Any attempts to unbutton it or open a nearby window was stopped the moment his mother sent him a glare. Why was it so hot in here? His mother was in more layers and she wasn’t even breaking a sweat. Why was it so hard to breathe?

The grandfather clock across the room released a loud clang as a new hour arrived. He shifted at the loud noise, but the woman before him didn’t move an inch because of the clock, but did raise a hand in the air. The maid at the door crept towards her, all too aware of the awkward tension in the air.

“See what is taking her.” 

The maid hurried off as the lady before them gave a little sigh. “My deepest apologies. My sister, Monaca, she is a little pokey at times. Bear with her.”

“Oh, it is quite alright!” His mother gushed. “We did arrive a little early.”

No, Hajime thought dully. We arrived ten minutes early, but the gatekeepers to this estate wouldn’t let them through until the appropriate time. He glanced to the side, continuing to tug at his collar as he thought of the mess he was getting into. He liked to believe he had a choice in this all. Maybe if he had pursued Chiaki like his parents wanted, he wouldn’t have to be marrying a woman he had never met. Well, if she could even qualify as such.

He talked to his friends, Gundham and Sonia, before he had left and told them the news. 

“Engaged to Monaca Enoshima?” Sonia grimaced. “Are you sure she isn’t too… young?”

Apparently, she was six years younger than him. He wasn’t thrilled to discover that fact, and now he was actually going to have to meet his ‘bride-to-be’. 

The door creaked open. Hajime turned to look, spotting the maid darting back into the room with an odd expression on her face. She rushed to Enoshima’s side, leaning down to loudly whisper, “Mistress, I do believe you are desperately needed in the foyer this instant before-”

Once again, the door opened, but slower this time. The more the door exposed, the more Hajime couldn’t stop staring as a woman entered the room. 

Soft grey eyes peeked out from a white fan, spread out enough to cover most of her face. She had shorter than average hair that was just able to be pulled back into a ponytail. Even more shocking about her appearance was her stark white hair. 

She was tall, probably the same height as Hajime. Her dress was hooped, and a shawl was draped around her elbows, so he didn’t have a good idea of her form, but despite her (and please don’t mind his wandering gaze) flat chest, she looked mature and grown. She didn’t look like the age he was led to believe she was. She could possibly be two years older than Hajime, not that he minded. There was no denying that she was incredibly stunning in her pale blue and white dress, but that didn’t ease the voice in the back of his head that’s been haunting him since he rejected Chiaki.

“I’m sorry for keeping you, dear sister,” She whispered, voice airy and strange. Was she feeling ill? “I mispl-”

“N-... Monaca! So glad to see you finally came.” Enoshima’s smile looked vicious. “Have you seen our other little sister around? I thought she was going to be accompanying you down.”

Monaca shook her head, batting her fan a few times while her eyes were averted. “She is feeling under the weather. I was with her and simply lost track of time.”

She then turned to his family and curtseyed. He felt his heart stop upon meeting her eyes. “My sincerest apologies for making you wait, Hajime.”

“It’s lovely to finally meet you!” His mother exclaimed, standing up to look Monaca up and down. Hajime remained silent as Monaca allowed his mother to circle her and tug and pull at certain nonexistent imperfections on her dress. She didn’t even bat an eye when his mother began ranting about something or another. “You are just beautiful like a doll, aren’t you? My Hajime hasn’t been able to stop talking about how excited he was to meet you, believe me.” 

That was completely untrue, but he didn’t comment as he focused on Enoshima whispering angrily to the maid from earlier. To his side, his father let out a little snore. He sighed and stood.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Monaca,” He greeted with a bow. She raised her hand daintily and he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. 

“The pleasure is all her’s, I assure you.” Enoshima walked over and grabbed Monaca’s other hand before sending us all one of her award-winning smiles we’ve seen numerous times at celebrations and rallies. “Excuse me for a moment. I need to have a word with my sister.”

Nagito hadn’t played dress up in a long time. Monaca preferred burning ants with a magnifying glass more than dolling him up in bows and lace like she used to. Most of the dresses he had for tea parties didn’t fit the same with how wide his shoulders were getting. Every once in a while, when he was bored, he’d put on the dresses and make up to see if he could bring Monaca to play with him like they did in the old days, but she had reached that special age where she wanted to be left alone and she thought boys had cooties or something. He didn’t know what happened. 

So he was glad when Monaca came banging on his door, tears streaming down her face. “She’s trying to marry me off to some gross monster! I don’t want to marry Hajime, he’s disgusting!” 

What was he to do? As an unofficial big brother, he had to ease her pain in any way he could. Junko wouldn’t. He had to. So, he tucked her in his bed to cry and went to his wardrobe. After so many years of playing pretend, it wasn’t too hard for him to begin dressing himself. The corset was always the trickiest piece, but he dressed as fast as he could, taking a small break to go to his vanity and cake his face in some of the make up he had lying around in case Monaca ever wanted to revisit the old days. 

He took one of the old ties he had from when his hair was very long. Monaca wouldn’t let him cut it back, but a year ago she simply looked at him with a bored expression and uttered, “Do whatever you want, just leave me alone. I’m busy.”

Nagito pulled his hair back and pushed it into the ponytail, sighing with relief when he saw it all fitted. Monaca was still sniffling from his bed, hugging his pillow close. “W-What are you doing?”

I’m helping you, Nagito thought to himself as he turned in the mirror to examine his handiwork. It was as perfect as he knew he’d be able to get it. Picking up one of the fans he stored in his top drawer, he unfurled the spines and covered his lower face with the item. 

“You don’t need to marry this Hajime person if you don’t want to,” He replied, walking over to pat the little girl on the head. “I will shoulder any burden you don’t want to bear. You are worth more than this. You are greater than some lord’s wife, and I’d give anything to see what great heights you will reach.”

Monaca hiccupped. “Y-You can’t pretend to be me! You are ugly!”

Nagito closed his eyes and nodded. “After we are wed, we will figure out something. I won’t have your name for long, so I don’t tarnish it.”

He walked down the stairs, past the foyer and the piano room until he reached the day room where he knew Junko and the guests would be waiting. There was no need for hesitation. He was on auto-pilot this whole time. So long as it was for Monaca’s future and her happiness and hope, he’d do anything. Even marry a gross man.

Unfortunately, he didn’t stay in the same dazed state he was in before. The moment his eyes met Hajime’s brown ones, his heart fluttered. Yes, without a doubt he was older than Monaca, which wasn’t very uncommon for this day and age, but he wasn’t a disgusting monster. He was just glad he had a fan to hide behind so he didn’t have to meet Hajime’s eyes. Though, he wasn’t too pleased to be taken out of the room by Junko. Her grip was as tight as a vice. She was pissed.

“Just what do you think you are doing?” She screeched, nails digging into his arm. 

“Monaca wanted me to-” His cheek suddenly burned and his eyes were now trained on the floor when they were once on her red face. 

“How dare you.” She scuffed, walking back to the door. “You better not fuck me over here. I need him for his family’s connections with the Kamukura’s. So you act pretty and reel him in. From now on, you are Monaca.” 

“Thank you, Mistress,” He whispered, holding his injured cheek. 

Junko entered the day room once more with Nagito at her heels.


	2. Good Sounds

It had been two weeks since Hajime Hinata met Monaca. Well, actually, it was Nagito disguised as Monaca. Junko didn’t let him hear the end of it for the first three days, but then simply made his life a bit more difficult as punishment. He was tasked with another maid’s chore list while she was away to visit her sick mother. Junko usually wasn’t so gracious, but she had her mind set on making Nagito stressed out daily. He no longer was allowed to eat meals with the rest of the staff, nor was he allowed to enter the kitchen for food. Once a day, he was given a tray with bread and watery soup to dunk it in.

He didn’t mind. It was nicer than being banned from speaking while forced to gorge himself on nicer foods. They deserved it more, as they were actually part of higher blood. He was… not. Nagito got into the family through a marriage. He technically was their step brother, though he ended up as a babysitter if anything. Junko never really treated him lower than what he was, ignoring him instead, but then he began to take on a servant’s job. From then on, he was given a list of duties to do weekly, though otherwise had a nice room to his own, was allowed to attend events with the family, and possessed very nice clothes. 

He tossed the other end of the sheet in the air before clasping the ends and folding them together. A small hum was in his throat as he worked through the numerous lines of fabrics that needed to be taken down and folded. It was one of his favorite chores.

“Nagito?” He paused and looked to the door. A maid was poking her head outside, shielding her eyes from the sun. He smiled, happy she used his name instead of some title. He’d been trying to get things that way for so long. “The Hinata’s are here.”

He dropped the sheet into a wicker basket. “Are… they supposed to be here?”

The maid shook her head. “No, but he wishes to see Monaca. I-I tried to say you were under the weather, but he then insisted on going to your chambers.”

That’s… incredibly forward. Nagito blushed furiously as he headed to the door.

“Please, ask him to sit tight for a half hour while I freshen up,” Nagito replied as he squeezed past her, “tell him to wait for me in the gardens. Hopefully the flowers will distract him enough.”

Nagito rushed to his chambers and dug up another old dress. He hurriedly put on the layers along with it, patting powder on his face as his other hand combed through his hair. Upon finding a hair tie, he pulled his hair from his face and looked in the mirror. It wasn’t the best look he has done. Surely Hajime would be understanding of how hideous he looked, given that the maid did insist ‘Monaca’ was sick. 

He ran down the stairs and headed to the sun room in the back of the manor. It was the main exit, which luckily wasn’t crowded with fabrics waving in the wind. It gave him a full view of the back garden, where Hajime stood at the opening to the section of roses. His hand was grazing a leaf as he stared down at a white rose with pink tints at the ends. He was wearing another suit that fit him very nicely. His shoulders looked broad in the jacket, and those pants he wore hugged him well.

He unfurled his fan and walked out to greet his guest. 

Hajime turned when he heard the door close. A smile crossed onto his lips, but it was a strange one. Not one that screamed ‘I’m with my fiancee for the day!’. It was arranged though. That’s always something to keep in mind.

Then again, he thought as he made his way over to his companion, he hadn’t expected to see Hajime until the ceremony, which was a good month away. He must have come from his own freewill, right? 

Nagito blushed at the thought as Hajime held out his hand. He gingerly gave him his own, watching as Hajime placed a kiss on his knuckles.

“Monaca, I apologize for the sudden visit,” Hajime sighed, dropping Nagito’s hand, “but I needed to see you again. There’s something I… Well, it, uh, came to me that we don’t know much about each other! So, w-we can take a walk and… talk.”

Nagito nodded. 

Hajime paused, wavering for a moment. “I forgot. You aren’t feeling well, right?”

With a hidden smile, Nagito placed a hand to his throat and Hajime sighed. “That’s… not great. I guess having a talk won’t be of much help in these ‘wedding jitters’, right? Are you feeling well enough to take a stroll with me? The fresh air may help.”

Nagito nodded and followed Hajime to the front of the rose section. To his relief, Hajime chatted as they strolled. He could hear the nervous tinges in his voice. He heard the aimless rambles that didn’t really make lots of sense, but it was charming in its own unique way. Hajime would fiddle with his fingers or occasionally scratch his neck, eyes averted from Nagito for the most part. 

There was lots Nagito learned about Hajime in the time he ranted. He talked about his main servant, Soda, who seemed to have a mind of his own half the time. Hajime recalled memories he thought were hilarious in order to make Nagito laugh, but, if Nagito was being honest, he only giggled because of how hard Hajime was trying to break him. It was cute.

“It’s very warm out today. I can’t imagine you are faring better than I. Shall we head in?” Hajime asked as the reached the center of the garden. Nagito nodded and they made their way toward the sun room. Hajime, being the perfect gentleman, opened the door and closed it after him with a dazzling smile. 

Hajime looked about the room once the door was closed, eyes falling immediately to a white piano in the corner. Nagito was looking to it too, remembering all the days when his step mother and father were still around and he’d fill the halls with music. He learned as soon as he could walk, and as soon as Monaca could walk, she was dancing to his music. It always brought a smile to his face at the thought of the groups of people he’d entertain during events, never given a name to the crowds. They just listened to the disembodied tune, not sparing a glance to the man behind the curtain. It was exactly what he wanted.

“Do you like music?” Hajime asked, stepping toward the piano. He spared Nagito a little smile before walking around to the keys. “I know most women aren’t taught how to play. I can do it for you, if you want. I’m not the best, but I’ll do my best.”

Nagito gave him another nod, walking to stand beside him by the bench. Hajime gave him a little nod in return before taking a seat at the bench. He stretched his hands, mulling over the sheets that were still rested on the stand from Nagito’s past practice session before beginning to play. It wasn’t to the same speed as it should have been, a little layer of hesitance to it, but it was good for his first time seeing the sheets. 

The song was a gentle lullaby that delivered the same warmth as a mother’s hug. Nagito could feel himself swaying on his feet to the plucking of the keys. There was a small pause where Hajime flipped the pages, and in that break, Nagito took a seat beside him on the bench, knowing he wouldn’t need to reach to far on the end he occupied. Hajime’s cheeks turned red as he picked up playing again, now completely aware of how close ‘Mocana’ was and how entranced ‘she’ seemed with his music. 

When the song came to an end, Hajime rested his hands in his lap, head bowed. “I am not really familiar with this song, but I hope it was good enough.”

Nagito bit his lip, but then decided he didn’t want to hold his tongue for much longer. He was supposed to be sick, so his definitely masculine, airy voice would make a little more sense. “It sounded beautiful.”

He glided his hands over the keys, then began to press down on them. He played as it should have been, though with no malice toward Hajime’s skill. Once he reached the end of the page he started on, he stopped. 

“Wow…” Hajime chuckled. “I feel like an ass for assuming you couldn’t play. That was better than I could ever do.”

Nagito laughed at the man’s awe, glancing over to meet his warm eyes. “It’s all about practice. I wouldn’t expect perfection after the first try.”

Hajime smiled, pink dusting his cheeks. “Thanks… I, uh, this is pretty stupid, but I really… Your voice is really pretty.”

Nagito clasped his fan, suppressing the urge to hide behind it once more. “I like your voice too, Hinata-san.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sa dudes, hope you enjoy this update. If you want to read different KomaHina from me or other works, I am taking commissions because of something that suddenly came up in my life. I'd really appreciate you checking out my fanfiction commission link. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> https://www.fiverr.com/hireathxxx/write-fanfiction-for-you


	3. Live Your Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagito- Sorry, Mocana agrees to meet Hajime again soon.
> 
> Hajime failed to do what he set out to do.

Before Hajime left, he placed a kiss to Nagito’s hand and gave him an award winning smile that was returned thoughtlessly. When he pulled away, Nagito couldn’t help but notice how cold he was despite it being the middle of summer and all the windows were opened all around the manor to let the air in. A desire to curl up by the fireplace with a book settled in him, but then the appealing thought of nestling besides Hajime as he told him fantastical stories of far off places took over his mind and he couldn’t help but dream. Though, he supposed, it could soon be reality.

“Monaca, I had a wonderful time with you today.” Ah, that was, until they got to their honeymoon after their wedding. Nagito bit his lip at the thought, barely listening as Hajime raved about how marvelous the gardens were and how it was nice to play music together. It had been nice to spend time with someone, to be able to sit down and do something together again, like he used to play tea party with the real Monaca.

“As soon as you are feeling well enough, I’d like to have you, uh… This may seem a little straight forward, especially before our union and all, but I’d like to have you over to my estate for a visit? I’m sure you’d love it there, and it’d be good to familiarize yourself to make this transition easier, I’m sure.” Transition. Yes, in a month, he would be taken to live over there, far from Monaca and Junko. He felt a twinge of something deep and raw inside him, but shut it out as soon as he sensed it. This was for Monaca. Of course he was going to do whatever his job entailed, even if it meant leaving. 

“I have time to spare five days from now, if that is not too soon.” 

Hajime shook his head. “It’s perfect. I’ll anticipate your arrival.” 

Nagito watched as he left the manor before he slumped forward, back aching from the dress. He took a few steps towards the stairs, then sat down the best he could for a moment. He had been sitting for the better part of an hour before walking Hajime to the door, why did he feel so hollow and devoid of energy? Groaning, Komaeda pulled the hair tie from his hair and fluffed it out. 

He should run himself a bath to sit and think in. 

Hajime closed the door behind him and let out a long sigh. His ride waited outside, Soda leaning against the transportation while inspecting some weird piece for one of his exotic machines he built. “It’s about time you came out! I tried to come in five minutes after you and they said I was ‘too dirty’ to come in. Can you believe that?” 

“That was a wise choice on their part,” Hajime replied, shaking his head to his self-proclaimed soul friend, “you track mud everywhere you go. I bet the maids are just happy they have been free from you for half a day so they don’t need to deep clean wherever you wander.”

Soda rolled his eyes, but he didn’t fight it because he knew it was true. The newest maid, a young lady named Kirumi, made it her duty to stand beside Soda whenever he entered the manor, taking note of where the oil residue and dirt smudged against the floor. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Soda put the part he was holding in his pocket. “You took longer than I thought you would. I was expecting you to be cursed and thrown out within the first half hour.”

Hajime remained silent as he got in his ride, Soda following after him. They slowly pulled away from the Enoshima residence. He folded his hands on his lap. Upon recognizing his friend wasn’t going to speak, Soda sighed out loud. 

“You didn’t tell Mocana, did you?”

“We had a good time,” Hajime defended in a small voice, “I thought maybe things could actually work out, maybe.”

“You snuck out without your parents knowing and you don’t even do what you set out to do!” Soda laughed, though it sounded exasperated. 

Hajime put his face in his hands and sighed deeply. He had his head on straight when he first walked in. At the gardens, he was ready to look Mocana in the eyes and tell her they either needed to call off their wedding some way or another, or at least tell her that he’d never be the husband she’s been dreaming of. 

However, when he turned and saw her walking down the steps to the garden, his heart skipped a beat. Her short hair was pulled back once more, but strands poked out and fell perfectly around her pale face. Her lips weren’t plump and coated with lipstick like others, and they were instead thin and soft looking. Her shoulders were broad and looked strong. When he held her hand, he couldn’t help but notice how spindly and long her fingers were. Her hand was almost the size of his own. 

Once they were inside and Monaca was speaking to him, he couldn’t help but feel his heart race. Her voice was deep and made his hair stand on end in interest. He could imagine that voice capturing his heart, as well as the beautiful sound she drew out from the piano. He wouldn’t lie and say he couldn’t feel himself swoon when he got proven wrong about his assumption. Monaca played better than even his teacher did, or at least, that’s how he felt as he stared at the gentle smile on her lips and the look of happiness in her eyes. 

He wanted to kiss her.

“I was thinking that I could be wrong about this,” Hajime finally said, “and that the arrangement could work out.”

“Hajime.” Soda glared at him. “You are gay.”

“Obviously not since I like her,” Hajime countered.

Soda raised his eyebrows and barked out a laugh. “Okay, so you like her. You said you liked Chiaki too, but that doesn’t change the fact you couldn’t bring yourself to even kiss her. And the one time you almost got it, you ended up running away and dry heaving in the bathroom for five minutes.”

“Y-You are overexaggerating,” Hajime huffed, though he remembered it vividly. He recalled being so anxious about the kiss. He thought it was normal jitters from having a first kiss taken from him, but it turned out to be a different kind of nervous. He didn’t want to do it in the first place. But this past afternoon was different. He could feel it in his gut that he was attracted to the way Mocana’s fingers glided over the keys and the teasing smile she sent him.

“I was with you when you were learning about anatomy. I saw the looks of disgust.” Soda snorted. “Not to mention when you actually puked that time.”

“Okay! Enough about that!” Hajime grumbled. “It’s pretty much impossible to get out of this marriage. I might as well try, right? Even if we don’t end up the way she may expect, she’s a good friend.”

“Even if your wife is a ‘good friend’, she won’t let you continue any of the shit you do today. You should be lucky your family lets you.”

“All marriages are restrictive and annoying. I’m well aware.” Hajime groaned. He imagined what it’d be like to be married to Monaca. What would she do when she figured out? Would she be as accepting and warm as Chiaki was? She didn’t look like she had a violent bone in her body, but he had seen his mother when she discovered his truth. 

When they pulled up to his manor, Hajime immediately inside. If his wife-to-be was coming in less than a week, he had to plan for her. Hopefully, by the time she came around, he would know what he was supposed to do.


	4. Hajime is an Idiot but Whats New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sigh but louder.

Honesty is the best policy. He was sure he read it in a book somewhere.

Nagito arrived at the Hinata household bright and early. He wasn’t excited to be pretending for the man, and he certainly wasn’t ecstatic to have his midsection tucked into itself with an unrelenting corset. Nagito was well aware he wasn’t content with how he was presenting himself today, but that was most days, even when he wasn’t being Monaca. 

No, this time his dissatisfaction was stemming from the prospect of lying. He’s always been a horrible liar, and though it was for Monaca, who he’d do anything for, he couldn’t help but feel guilt when he saw Hajime’s twinkling eyes and shining smile. It would have been so much easier if Monaca really was being married off to a hideous beast, which he fully deserved for all the harm he was causing. No, she was supposed to be married to a silly, charming man who played the piano beautifully and didn’t know the names of any of the flowers in the garden and had his tie askew and had the stupidest smile on his face when he first saw Nagito come into the garden- 

For as disheartened as Nagito was about the situation, he couldn’t stifle the giddy smile that graced his lips when his driver pulled on to the path to the Hinata residence. His hands were shaking at the thought of an afternoon spent with someone who accepted his company, even though he had little choice in the matter since they were getting married.

Hajime was waiting outside when Nagito came. He must have known he’d be arriving and went out to greet him personally. He’s so sweet. 

Nagito allowed Hajime to take his hand and assist him in getting out. He smiled when he felt Hajime’s other hand rest on his hip to help balance him as he took his first few steps onto the cobblestone. 

“It’s good to see you,” Hajime greeted. Nagito could have sworn he leaned forward, perhaps to kiss his cheek, but instead he just pulled away. Maybe it was his imagination. 

Nagito waited for a moment before Hajime gestured to the door. “Would you like some tea?” 

“... Yes, that’d be nice.” Nagito hesitated a moment, but Hajime began to head to the door. He bit his lip and followed after him, trying to brush off his unease. It was ridiculous. It was stupid. Hajime wasn’t obligated to do anything, but it caught Nagito a little off guard that he hadn’t kissed his hand. He barely held any eye contact with him. 

He couldn’t have found out. He wouldn’t beat around the bush and ask him if he’d like tea if he knew Nagito wasn’t Monaca. 

Was it wedding jitters eating away at his manners? Nagito frowned and followed after his fiance. 

Hajime had his day room set up already, and upon sitting down, a maid carted in tea and pastries. Nagito took a seat beside him at the small table, tucking himself in closer as the maid put the food down. 

“You look lovely,” Hajime complimented, tugging at his collar. Nagito could see from the corner of his eyes that he was avoiding looking at him. 

“And you look handsome,” Nagito replied with a forced smile to his lips, “but I have a feeling there is an elephant in the room.”

Hajime jumped, eyes wide as if he didn’t expect Nagito to pick up on something so obvious. It was a little cute, but nervousness stopped him from appreciating it too much. He picked up his tea cup and took a long sip. He tried to enjoy the taste of it on his tongue as Hajime fiddled with his hands, then settled for placing them in his lap with a little frown on his face. 

“I wanted to tell you something.” Hajime finally looked him in the eyes. Nagito almost wished he didn’t. “It may change how you see me. It might make you want to call off our marriage entirely, and that’s fine, but I need to get it off my chest.”

Nagito set his cup back on his saucer and stared at the steam rolling off it. It shrugged off the weight of the leaves used to create it and the hints of sugar he would taste on the tip of his tongue. His nose twitched at the god awful taste of it lingering in his mouth, but he kept his lips sealed instead of spitting it out. 

Hajime scooted his chair close and grasped Nagito’s hands in his own as if to brace him. He allowed him, appreciating the warmth of his fiance's hands before everything crumbled down like a town on fire. 

“I think I love you,” Hajime began not too gently, “or I think I could love you, a bit. I-I’ll be honest, I haven’t known you long, but I feel it in my heart that we could be close. It’s… weird saying that. I never thought I’d be saying that to someone like you… Not that you are bad or anything, it’s just-”

“Hajime,” Nagito sighed, squeezing his hands in reassurance. Hajime took a breath. 

“I have a confession to make,” Hajime mumbled, running a thumb over Nagito’s hand.

“You can tell me anything.” The taste of sugar was beginning to coat his tongue. He needed to wipe it off or scarf down a scone or something bland. He wanted the taste gone. Would it be rude to excuse himself soon after Hajime punches him in the face once he tells him he knows Nagito’s ploy? He sure hoped so.

“I’m into men.” Nagito’s eyes widened. 

A beat of silence fell between them as Hajime waited for something. Nagito wasn’t sure what. His heart had stopped in his chest and he needed to focus all his energy in getting it to start pounding away normally once more. 

“I’m homosexual,” Hajime clarified after another moment, and then after a few more seconds of nothingness, he added, “I’m gay.”

“I heard you quite well and clear, I assure you,” Nagito wheezed. He felt a burning inside and he wasn’t sure if it was something he needed to vocalize or if it was his corset squeezing his ribs together to puncture his lungs. He was breathless and he really wanted a glass of water to get rid of the rancid taste coating his tongue in a sticky, thick residue. 

Hajime bit his lip. “If this is a dealbreaker for our marriage, I’m sorry to have led you on. You are sweet. Any man would be blessed to have your hand, but I couldn’t go through with this without just clearing the air, if that makes sense.”

Nagito nodded wordlessly, mentally praising his fiance for continuing to run his thumb over the veins of the back of his hand. It was grounding. It felt comfortable- which it should. Hajime just poured out a part of himself that amongst most company would be treated as though Hajime just struck up the most deadly disease known to man and could fall dead any minute. 

“If you’ve said your peace, I’d like to say mine,” Nagito whispered, speech slowed as he tried to process what he was saying. Hajime sat up with a wince. 

“Alright.” 

Nagito shifted in his seat to be a little further from the boy. A lump of sugar formed in his throat, but he managed to choke out, “I am not who you are supposed to marry. I am not Monaca.”

“Then… who are you?” Hajime asked, his face growing pale and his hands twitched. He could feel the other wanting to pull away, uncertain what was occurring. He did just spill quite the doozy, but Nagito felt he had him beat for the biggest secret kept. 

“Monaca is my younger sister, but she didn’t want to get married.” Nagito sighed and shook his head. “She really was too young to get married. Pardon me, but you are way too old.”

“I… did hear she was younger. I was confused when I saw you, but it makes sense.” Hajime pressed his lips together, frowning as he stared down at their hands, “since you aren’t Mocana.”

Nagito nodded along with his words, agreeing to his partner’s silent disapproval. “And if I may, can I please drop the very formal speech? It’s a little hard to keep up with it. I only sat in on some of those manner lessons Mocana was forced in, so it’s really not second nature for me.”

Hajime tilted his head. “What? I thought everyone had those lessons?”

“Correction, every young lady has those weird lessons,” Nagito mumbled, “and I’m not a young lady.”

Hajime finally fell quiet. His hands stayed in Nagito’s, and Nagito had half a mind to ask him to excuse him so he could get out of the suffocating corset. He had to ride the whole way here in it and it was beginning to hurt, or something else weird was going on making him feel lightheaded while his chest felt heavy and clenched. 

“Are… you calling yourself an old lady?” Hajime tilted his head, puzzled.

Nagito stared at him. “Hinata-kun, is that the conclusion you have come to?”

“... Am I supposed to come to a different one?” He looked helpless. If Nagito was honest, he looked cute like that. It reminded him of a puppy who got scolded lightly for getting into something he shouldn’t have and was having a hard time processing why he was being put in the dog house. 

“I’m not sure how I am meant to feel about your answer, but I’ll be more direct before there is something I must attend to.” That being his burning midsection. Seriously, who designed these things? Nagito clutched Hajime’s hand and then brought it up to his chest, pressing it firmly there. 

Hajime’s cheeks turned bright pink, hand freezing in place before Nagito felt a twitch from one of his fingers. His blush died down a little before Hajime looked up, distress clear on his face. “You want me to comment on that? I-I don’t c-care if you aren’t big-”

Nagito bowed his head with a long sigh. “Hinata-kun, if I were a woman and you did actually grab my breast, I’d be very offended by what you were about to say. Maybe men should take classes on how to behave too.”

Hajime jerked back his hand, eyes wide as he clutched his hand to his chest. “W-Wait, you… you are a man?”

“Do I need more proof?” Nagito asked, now the one seeming the most distressed about the scene playing out before him.

Hajime blushed once more, and shook his head. His eyes trailed down Nagito before meeting his eyes briefly. Then his gaze turned to the floor, ears red. “Uh, no. I believe you.”

“Good,” Nagito wheezed, “can I get changed please?”

Hajime nodded and stood. “Yes, of course. M-My parents aren’t around, so you can borrow some of my clothes if you wish? The servants will keep quiet about this, I hope. I…”

He paused and looked back toward Nagito. His ramblings didn’t fill the air, but the look in his eyes were telling so much more than he could ever explain through his rapid hand gestures and stutters. “I meant it, you know.”

“Meant it?”

Hajime scratched his neck. “Before. I said I could love you, and I… still want to make this work. It’s not because of this sudden truth either. I felt it that you were… different. Anyways, we both lied, but now that we are on the right foot… Do you want to marry me?”

Nagito watched as Hajime extended his hand to help him up from the chair. His hand shook. “I-I mean, actually, I don’t even know if you are gay, or if dressing up is just your thing, or something of the sort-”

“I dress up,” Nagito stated, “but as for being gay, I don’t know. I’ve never… been in a situation where my feelings were taken into account, especially anything romantic. This is a first. I don’t care much for women no matter how they are dolled up, and I don’t pay any attention to men in tailored suits. But I do know one thing.”

Nagito smiled and took Hajime’s hand. He let his fiance help him to his feet and steadied himself the best he could with the other holding his hand tightly in an awkward grip. A small chuckle passed his lips as he used his other hand to cup Hajime’s cheek. 

“I know I would like to marry you very much,” Nagito mumbled, “if you will have me.”


End file.
